GIRL – We are all sometimes afraid of failure – and even more than that, we sometimes are so afraid of what OTHER PEOPLE’s opinions of us will be if we fail. It can get so heavy that we end up sabotaging our own success in order to not upset or disappoint others. But not today! Let’s stop playing by someone else’s rules and let’s instead choose to go after the things that will make us truly happy and fulfilled in the long run. Are you with me?!
Listen in and share with me one thing that you’re going to do TODAY that you felt too scared to do yesterday! (You can find me here on IG — let’s be friends!!)
I am so dang proud of you for all of the hard work that you’re doing. I can’t wait to see where these steps are going to lead you! Click here to listen to the podcast and let’s dive even deeper on this topic!
View the Full Transcript:
Hey girl, and welcome to the She Calls or Shots podcast, where we’re all about making a bigger impact while learning how to live bolder, brighter, and happier lives. My name is Krista, and I’m a photographer, coach, and an entrepreneur, and I am so excited to dig in, do the work, and tackle our biggest goals together.
In this community, we are committed to taking massive action in our lives and in our business, while also learning to celebrate progress over perfection. And in this podcast, we focus on the real talk. In every episode, we’ll deep dive into honest and open conversations about life. Business relationships and inner growth, and we’ll share insight and tips on how to play a bigger game and ultimately live a life that we truly love.
So girlfriend, let’s make some moves and start calling our own shots. Hey, girl. I am so excited to connect with you on this episode today, and this episode is truly just for you because I know deep down that you have some really freaking big goals for yourself this year. I know that you’ve been planning and prepping and really getting clear on what you want 2021 to look like for you and for your business.
And I also know that you’re ready to put in the work. You’re ready to see the successes that you’ve worked so hard for. But here’s the thing, I also know how easy it can be to continue playing small. As much as we want to grow and stretch ourselves and learn new things, we also get this feeling that. If we just stay in our comfort zones, we won’t have to open ourselves up to any potential failure and the feelings of disappointment and shame that it often brings along with it.
It can be so easy to continue on this path where we feel comfortable, you know, that path of routine where we can go through the same motions every day and we can repeat the same tasks and we can really invest in that busy work that helps us keep our lives together, but doesn’t necessarily help us make big waves in the things that we wanna do.
So what about those, those tasks and those projects that we’ve put on the back burner, that we know that if we just put a little bit of courage and a little bit of effort into them every day, that they would exponentially move our businesses forward? And I know you’ll be able to relate to this, and there have been many times where I’ve had to check myself and my thoughts because I was purposely holding myself back from making an impact in my business.
And it wasn’t because I needed clarity around my next step or that I didn’t have the time or the money or the energy to really go all in. It was really that I was too afraid of what other people would think of me if I tried and if I failed. How many times have you been in a situation where you feel something pulling at your heartstrings?
You feel it there, just waiting for you to make that first move, begging you to just make that one first step, but you hold yourself back because you’re so worried about other people’s opinions. And maybe you can relate to this, but I feel like I struggled with this a lot when I was younger. And not that I don’t still struggle with it today because I most certainly do, but I used to be greatly affected by what other people thought of me, and I felt like if I showed my true self, if I really voiced my desires and my passions, I was worried that other people would judge me.
I was so afraid of upsetting other people that I kept a lot of my feelings to myself, and because of that, I really feel like I robbed myself of creating those. Deeper connections with people. I can remember clearly when I was first growing my photography business, I mean like in the very beginning, I was still in college.
I was figuring everything out. I mean, I hadn’t even graduated from college yet. So like add on to the fact that like, I hadn’t even gotten a degree. I was still a kid in a lot of people’s eyes. I mean, I didn’t know how to manage anything. Right. And here I was. Starting a business, like all I kept thinking of was like, everyone’s gonna look at me and think like, who are you to be starting this business?
Why would I trust you with my money? You know, how long have you been doing this? Is this a hobby for you? Like these were all the things that always just clouded my head when I was first starting off. And so because of that, I ended up. Keeping and holding in a lot of the really big dreams that I had for myself and my business, I was so afraid that if I made any of those goals public, that people would silently laugh at me and they would say things about me behind my back.
I was nervous that if I was shooting a wedding and someone came up to me and asked me, is this a hobby for you? I was too afraid to voice anything otherwise. So half the time I would just, you know, kind of laugh awkwardly and shake my head. Yeah. And you know, cuz when I was first starting off, let’s be honest, a lot of the things that I was photographing were for my friends, right?
Like, that’s how everybody starts off in business. You’re not gonna get like random people hiring you for your first couple of clients. Like it’s. Always going to be people, you know? So I was too afraid at these weddings when like Uncle Bob would come up to me, you know, as I’m shooting my friend’s wedding and ask me, oh, what kind of camera is that?
Like, oh, is this a hobby for you or is this like a school project or school credit? And I would just feel myself freeze up and get super awkward and like awkwardly laugh and just kind of like, you know, yeah. And like wave it off and then like try and go in the other direction. Right? I was so afraid of really voicing.
What my goals were, who I was, what I was doing, and the impact that I wanted to make and the business that I wanted to build. But here’s the thing. In that situation, you know, with Uncle Bob coming up to me, or even just like situations with my friends, like, you know, when they found out that I was like creating my own business or starting my own business, I was so afraid.
Of what people might say that I kept myself from doing the things that I really wanted to do. But the key word here is that I was so afraid of what people might say here. I was making assumptions even about Uncle Bob. Let’s say I. What if Uncle Bob asked me at a wedding, oh, is this a hobby In my head, I assumed that if I said, no, this was my job, I assumed that he was going to say something negative, right?
Like, oh, you’re still a kid. You know, can’t believe this is a business for you. Like, do you really think you’re gonna go very far? Like I had all these thoughts in my head and assumptions of what I thought he would say. Imagine if I told Uncle Bob, no, actually this is a business that I’m starting. He could have equally had a completely opposite response.
What if instead of those negative things? He was like, wow, that’s amazing. Like, you know, best of luck. Like, I hope that you do really amazing things, right? Like that’s equally possible for him to have said, but I assumed that he was going to say something negative. And so thus I always kept my thoughts and my visions and you know, my beliefs about myself.
To myself, and when I say it out loud now, it sounds absolutely ridiculous, right? Like to hold yourself back from voicing your beliefs and your thoughts and your vision for yourself to hold all of that back because of something that someone might say about you in the future. It sounds ridiculous now, but I mean, it was a genuine fear that I held for a really long time.
And I mean, it, it kind of goes in line with, in the last episode we talked about imposter syndrome and I mean, I experienced a lot of imposter syndrome when I was first starting my business, and I know that that’s where all of these feelings of fear came from. And that’s why I wasn’t able to voice, you know, my beliefs and my vision for myself because I felt a lot of imposter syndrome and it was honestly something that I struggled with for many years as I was starting off.
And even now, even though, you know, I’ve, I mean I’ve done a ton of work to grow my self-confidence. Obviously I’ve had, you know, 10 years of experience now in growing my business and I’ve really learned to lean into myself and be my own cheerleader. But I still, I. Catch these thoughts poking around in my head.
Sometimes I still get these feelings of, you know, if I really reach for this goal, what are people gonna think of me? Like it. It really doesn’t matter how long you’re in business for, you’re never gonna be able to get rid of these thoughts completely. And even though you know, they hold less weight now than they used to, they still have the power to subconsciously cause me to sometimes like delay my own success or delay my own work and progress on getting things done.
Even in the instances where, you know, I might know the thing I need to do in order to move myself forward, but I sometimes, instead of doing that one thing I will. Like busy myself with all of the unimportant and less time sensitive tasks. Have you ever done that before? Like you know what you need to do and you know why it’s important, but instead of doing that one thing you like, do all of the other things around it that are like really not important to helping you get to where you wanna go.
And in those examples, sometimes it feels like our subconscious is like trying to keep us playing small, right? Like in those moments where we feel like we’re almost working against ourselves, we know what we need to do, yet we’re not doing it. But I think a lot of what’s what’s actually happening is that we know that if we don’t take that leap, we don’t have to worry about looking like a failure to other people.
So it can be this safety net for us of like, I know what I need to do. I know the first next step. But it sounds really scary, and I’m not ready to put myself out there yet. So instead of doing that one big thing that’ll help move me forward, I’m just gonna do all these other tasks because no one’s gonna judge me if I do all of these other things.
And I’ll just, I’ll just put off that other one for a little while. I’m not ready for that one yet. Right? Like, have you been there? And I know you’ve probably heard it said a million times, but I’ve tried to really, truly take it to heart this idea that says other people’s opinions aren’t going to pay my bills.
And it’s not to say that other people’s opinions don’t matter, but at the end of the day, I am the only one responsible for my actions. And even if someone is silently or maybe even publicly judging me, is their opinion and their judgment really going to affect me in the long run? Does h me holding myself back in fear of their judgment, help move me along in any sort of way in my life or in my business?
Of course not. So I wanna ask you, what have you been holding yourself back from pursuing? Because you’re too afraid of what someone else might say. Like, I actually, I want you to pause this podcast. Let me finish this question, but I want you to pause this podcast and send me a DM on Instagram. It’s at, she calls her shots, and I want you to share with me the one thing that you are gonna do today that you felt too scared to do yesterday.
Because at the end of the day, whatever, you know, aunt Sally thinks of your business or Uncle Bob, you know, thinks about the choices that you’re making for your life. That opinion that they have says more about them than it does about you. One of my favorite quotes, I’m gonna not say this verbatim cuz honestly I can’t remember exactly how it goes, so I’m gonna kind of like make it my own.
But the quote goes something like this. The people that you admire, the people that you really look up to, you know the ones that have made it far in their business, they will never judge you for trying and failing the only people. That are going to judge you are the ones that are too afraid to play bigger in their own life.
And I wanna say that one more time cuz I, I want that to really sink in. The people that you admire and look up to, they will never be the people that are going to judge you for trying and failing. The only people that are going to judge you are the ones that are too afraid to play bigger in their own life.
And I wanna be clear, because I don’t want that to come off as me sounding high and mighty. You know, someone judges me because they’re too afraid about something that they’re too afraid to do. But really, it’s true. Like the people that are gonna verbalize their. Opinions of you. If you’re betting on yourself, taking risks in your business and really doing things that are gonna advance and move you forward, the people that have seen success in their business are gonna know that’s part of the formula of success.
Success is made by trying and failing. And so no one who has seen success is ever gonna look at you and judge you for trying and failing at anything. The only people that will outwardly or silently judge you for trying and failing are the people who aren’t pushing themselves to do the same. They’re not pushing themselves to really.
See success in their life because if they were, they would know that it’s part of the process. And so let’s stop playing by their rules and let’s, instead, let’s choose to go after the things that we know are gonna move us forward. And that will make us truly happy and fulfilled in the long run. And I know that sometimes this is easier said than done.
You know, sometimes the people that are judging us are in our close circle. So for example, the person that. You know, could be outwardly judging you could be, maybe it’s like your mom or a parent, you know, they’re worried about you leaving your corporate job to pursue your business full-time. Maybe it’s your spouse.
Maybe they’re worried about, you know, you taking the leap in your business and that maybe you may not make enough money to really bring in enough to support the family. Or maybe it’s your best friend who sees you working 24 7 and is afraid that. Maybe you’re gonna burn out before you start to see real success.
And these concerns are all valid, right? And these are coming from people who genuinely love and care about you. But here’s the thing, I have been in a few of those situations. I had family members that, you know, I could, I could tell when I said that I was leaving my full-time job. My corporate career where I was making six figures, and it feels weird saying that, but I’m, I’m comfortable saying that in this regard because I had a very stable, secure income from a job that truly I loved.
I loved the company, I loved my team, I loved the people I work with, but I knew, I felt it deep down that this was my calling, that I needed to go full-time, that I was ready, that there was something happening inside of me that I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I knew. It was time for me to explore it further, and I knew that there were people in my life that saw me walking away from that corporate job and that opportunity that I had, and they probably thought that I was throwing something away.
I probably had family members who looked at that job and thought I would do anything to have a job like that. I can’t believe that she’s walking away from that. And so I say this out of love because I understand their concern and I think it’s so important to, you know, you’ll never hear me be that person that’s like, screw the haters, you know, Yolo, I’m gonna do what I want in my life.
Like your opinion doesn’t matter. Like I, I will never be that person. I think maybe sometimes for, there are, you know, trolls on the internet that. Literally know nothing about someone that literally just wanna spread hate and say mean things. Maybe in those instances you’ll hear me say, screw the haters.
Yolo. Live your own life. But for the most part, for people who know you, who love you, who care about you, it’s important to respect it. Their feelings and their opinions are valid, but it shouldn’t stop you from pursuing what you feel called to do. And so, you know, what about when it’s these people that we feel like are, are maybe silently judging us and maybe they’re judging us out of love.
Maybe they’re just afraid for us. Maybe they’re just concerned, but you know, what do we do? I think one of the things that I find comfort in in these situations is really playing out in my head, okay, what is the worst case scenario that this could look like? So, you know, maybe you are reaching for a really big goal that feels out of reach, and maybe you won’t make as much money as you hope.
Maybe you won’t see success as quickly as you’d like, and maybe all of these things could happen at the same time, right? Like we have to be prepared and know that those things are possible. But I can tell you this, with a hundred percent hands down, without a doubt, certainty, you are going to learn 10 times more by trying and failing than you ever would.
By standing on the sidelines and trying to plan everything out, all of the people that you look up to, they’re crushing it in their business. The only way that they got to where they are today is by trying, failing, trying some more, failing some more, and continuing the cycle until they eventually found success.
There’s no overnight formula. There’s no secret sauce. There’s no glamor behind someone achieving really great things. It truly is a lot of trying, failing, and having the courage to keep showing up consistently every single day. So what opinions have you been holding onto that need to be released? And ask yourself that person with the opinion, who are they to you?
Is it someone that’s close to you that simply cares about you and your wellbeing? Is it a random person on the internet who literally doesn’t know you or anything about you? Is it someone who’s, you know, maybe even jealous by your goal because they’re too afraid to chase something similar in their own life As humans, we’re emotional beings.
We all crave relationships. We all wanna make an impact, and we all wanna feel like we have a purpose in life. So don’t deny yourself those feelings simply because of what someone else. Might think so often we carry around this weight of the what ifs though you know, my Sally is, hasn’t really come right out and said that she thinks I’m making a bad decision, but I know she feels that way and I know she thinks that I’m gonna fail.
Right? Like we carry so much weight of what we think people might. Think or what we think people might say or how we think people might judge us. And girl, I’m just here to remind you, that is not your weight to carry. So as we wrap up this episode today, I just, I wanna challenge you with a few questions.
So number one, what’s that thing that you’ve been holding yourself back from doing? What have you been too afraid to tackle or to start on or to do because of what someone else might think? And as a follow up question to that, what’s one thing that you can do today to help move yourself closer to that goal, or to help get you on your way to achieving that goal?
What’s one small thing? Think like 1%. What’s the 1% thing that I could do today differently that I was too afraid to do yesterday? And second question that I wanna ask is, again, these opinions that you know, you believe of other people, I want you to really get clear with yourself. And ask yourself, has that person actually come right out and said those things to me?
Or have I just been making assumptions about how I think they will feel? Because I think it’s so important for us to kind of check ourselves and really get clear around is someone else actually trying to hold us back, or is it just. In our head, are we the ones that are really stopping ourselves from moving forward?
And the third thing, you know, if you’re still struggling with this, if you’re still struggling with this idea of what people might think, I want you to do a little visualization exercise with me. So close your eyes. Obviously if you’re driving or if you’re walking or doing something that needs your attention, you can absolutely keep your eyes open.
But think about how you’re going to feel in the future. When you’ve accomplished that big goal that you’ve been too afraid to tackle, like really think clearly. How proud are you gonna feel for taking the leap and betting on yourself? Imagine, how are you going to celebrate once you’ve accomplished that goal?
Like down to the specifics, what will you be wearing? What will you be eating or drinking? What are those feelings that you’ll feel deep down? Are you gonna feel butterflies? Are you gonna feel like a weight’s been lifted off your shoulders? Really visualize and see yourself accomplishing that goal and enjoying those celebrations after the fact.
And now I open your eyes and ask yourself, is it really fair to deny future me of that amazing gift because of a fear of what someone might think? Girl, I hope you know with all of your heart, the gifts that you have and how much joy you bring to this world, you have a light inside of you that has the capability of lighting everyone else around you up if only you will let it.
I am so grateful for you, and I can’t wait to hear about all of the amazing things that you’re working towards. And until next time, I’ll talk to you soon, girl. Thank you so much for listening in and for committing to yourself along this journey. I’d love to hear your favorite takeaways from this episode today.
Tag me on Instagram at She calls her shots, and let’s celebrate the fact that you showed up for yourself today. Or if you know someone that would benefit from listening in, feel free to share this episode with her in a dm. As always, I am so excited that we get to continue on this journey together, and until next time, I’ll talk to you soon.